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Ducks

A German guy approaches a lady of the night. 'I vish to buy sex viz you.' 'OK,' says the girl, 'I'll charge 20 an hour.' '..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.' 'No problem,' she...
05:26 Fri 20th Dec 201325 answers, last by frozengal 05:45 Sat 21st Dec 2013
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Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina...
04:39 Fri 20th Dec 20132 answers, last by starone 17:23 Fri 20th Dec 2013
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Fao The Gmeb Rabble

Back in the Falklands folks catch up soon...
21:55 Thu 28th Nov 201312 answers, last by albaqwerty 06:36 Fri 29th Nov 2013
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I Just Can't Win....

So we're In Edinburgh I a nice hotel full of Scots and South African rugby fans.... Carolyn wears her feckin England shirt to breakfast!!! Help fellow Scots abers.... What can I do to win the fight at...
11:18 Sun 17th Nov 20139 answers, last by 2sp_ 13:28 Sun 17th Nov 2013
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Weekend Time...

....weekend in Edinburgh for the Memsahib and I. Scotland v South Africa on Sunday and though we might get thumped it'll be great to see South Africa play again...... What's everyone else up to???...
20:02 Fri 15th Nov 20135 answers, last by Maydup 21:14 Fri 15th Nov 2013
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For The Fallen

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children, England mourns for her dead across the sea. Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit, Fallen in the cause of the free. Solemn the drums...
00:14 Sun 10th Nov 201336 answers, last by murraymints 12:31 Mon 11th Nov 2013
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Fao The Gmeb Gang

Made it back folks, the weather relented enough, ( just mind) so we got out bang on time!! Stuck in Heathrow waiting for my flight back to Aberdeen catch up soon, I need sleep!!!
11:05 Wed 23rd Oct 20136 answers, last by mccfluff 11:56 Wed 23rd Oct 2013
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Eastern European Scam... Beware

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Sainsbury's for a bit of shopping has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be...
02:42 Sat 19th Oct 20137 answers, last by frugalfred 15:47 Sat 19th Oct 2013
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Delia's Way

Delia's Way Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips . The Weegie Hoosewifes Way Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake....
08:41 Thu 17th Oct 20136 answers, last by maggiebee 17:13 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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Vaseline

VASELINE A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you...
08:38 Thu 17th Oct 20136 answers, last by zebo 11:25 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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Polar Bears...

Baby Polar bear says to his mum "Mum? Mum? am I really a polar bear?" Of course you are baby bear, you've got a big furry white coat and big white paws A minute goes past and baby bear says again...
08:32 Thu 17th Oct 20133 answers, last by murraymints 08:40 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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God And The Archangel Gabriel

The angel Gabriel said to God What you working on today? God said I`m making a place called Scotland, It`s goin to have stunning mountains with fast flowing rivers full of beautifull brown trout, the...
08:26 Thu 17th Oct 20132 answers, last by zebo 11:28 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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Ryanair

A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty...
08:19 Thu 17th Oct 20133 answers, last by excelsior-1 10:43 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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Some Scottish Gags For Minty

1. A pregnant teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says: 'Can you come and get me? I think ma water has broken 'Okay,' says her dad. 'Where are you ringing from?' 'From my knickers tae ma feet....
08:15 Thu 17th Oct 20132 answers, last by sunny-dave 10:49 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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Specially For Minty

What do you call a penguin with an abacus ? Cold and calculating...
08:12 Thu 17th Oct 20133 answers, last by waterboatman 08:18 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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Screwing

It's the Spring of 1957 and BillyBob goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Peggy Sue's not...
08:11 Thu 17th Oct 20132 answers, last by waterboatman 08:20 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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Depressed

I had a trainspotter mate that was really depressed and suicidal, but he didn't have the guts to top himself. So we were out for a walk one day and I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was...
08:09 Thu 17th Oct 20133 answers, last by murraymints 08:13 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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Philosophy

Descartes - To be is to do. Voltaire - To do is to be. Frank Sinatra - Do be do be do....
08:02 Thu 17th Oct 20132 answers, last by pixie373 08:05 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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A Joke From Ancient Greece

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?" "Wait a...
07:53 Thu 17th Oct 20132 answers, last by marval 15:12 Thu 17th Oct 2013
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Kiwi Fruit

Sad but true. Lads, if you get hold of a kiwi fruit in one hand, one of your nadgers in the other and close your eyes....you can't tell the difference between them. I know, I've tried it. I'm now...
04:32 Mon 30th Sep 20138 answers, last by pixie373 21:35 Mon 30th Sep 2013

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