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Firstly, I need to say thank-you, and although far from feeling well, I am trying to put things in perspective. I am sad, feel despair and can only see darkness most of the time. The thing that puzzles me is that I have no reason to feel like this. I have nice kids, a good career, nice home, no money worries/debt etc etc, but what I don't have is control over these feelings that take me to the darkest places. It frightens me. I don't wish to hurt anyone, it crushes me to think how it would affect my family. Also what Atalanta said gave me food for thought....Beezaneez, I can assure you, normally I am the most unselfish person. I know there are people far worse off than me. I couldn't bear to bother anyone, people have their own problems to deal with. What would I say anyway when I haven't got a clue what's wrong. I just pray when I go to bed that I don't wake, then I cry in the morning when I do. It's a lonely existence and pretending all is well can be exhausting. Today is a better day and I can think rationally, however, I am afraid of tomorrow and so on and so forth. Thank-you again